Undone
by Neko-chan -Silvered Tongue
Summary: SanzoxGoku; cotton candy fluff. Sanzo refuses to admit any type of weakness--and Goku tells him that it's okay to admit a weakness sometimes.


Undone

By: Neko-chan

A/N:  My very first Saiyuki fiction and my very first attempt at Saiyuki shounen-ai.  I love writing shounen-ai (usually for Yuugiou), and I just hope that I don't disappoint for Saiyuki.  Note to all, though: I've only seen up to the eighth DVD of the anime series.  This is also dedicated to Becky, because she's the most adamant Sanzo/Goku supporter that I've ever met—and I've just met her _recently_. *grins*  So, even if it's not very good and is only a one-shot, I still hope you enjoy it, Becky.  =^^=

WARNING:  Shounen-ai.  Sanzo/Goku.  Fluffy feelings~

DISCLAIMER:  If I owned Saiyuki, I would make Sanzo/Goku a canon pairing and I would happily squish Yiso under the heel of my foot for the Hakkai!Angst he caused.  But that isn't happening any time soon—thus, I guess it could be logically deduced that I DON'T own Saiyuki.  P 

*   *   *

He doesn't want anyone to know—but I do.

I know.  

We've been traveling for a long time now, always heading West.  Days and days and days we've driven, but we never seem to get any closer to our goal.  Our mission is nowhere near completion… and we've become exhausted lately.  We're tired.

We've been fighting demons nonstop since we first set out.  Battle upon battle—we've all grown stronger, but there's always a certain point until we begin to cave in under the pressure.  In a way, I guess, we become undone.

And you know what? 

Try as hard as they might—deny it all they want—we're _all_ reaching that breaking point, the one single point in which we can't continue any further.  We're stressed and tired; we're being twisted and wound tighter and tighter each day, without break, and then expected to just keep on going.  We can't do this forever.  We just _can't_. 

I can see all of this.  I _know_ all of this.  The others call me a stupid monkey; they always underestimate me and my intelligence.  I'm not a monkey and I'm not stupid—I'm not dumb at all.  I choose to remain quiet because Sanzo and Hakkai usually have the best ideas.  Why should I speak up when they would say my idea anyway?  It's not worth it.

I'm smart.  I'm capable of observing different things.  I can see with my own eyes just how exhausted we all are.  They may not want to readily admit to their exhaustion, but it's still there.  No amount of denying it will make it go away.  I can _see_ who's close to their breaking point—and who's already past it.

He doesn't want anyone to know.

But I do.

~   ~   ~

Sunlight filtered through the tree's leaves, turning a soft, buttery yellow with emerald hints here and there.  There was a soft wind, strong enough to make the branches sway in time to the rhythm of the breeze, but not strong enough for anything else. 

There were cherry blossoms blooming in the trees surrounding this small glade.  The flowers shed their petals like tears when the breeze softly brushed against them, becoming a light pink rain, falling down upon the figure below who slept in the shadow of the tree's outstretched arms.

Sanzo was many things, but innocent would never be among them.  He was distant and crude—harsh in some circumstances, cold in others.  And yet… here, beneath the cherry blossom tree, he showed a childlike expression, displayed for all of the world to see.  In sleep, his face was open as it would have never been while awake.  It was an expression that Goku had never seen before, not in this lifetime.

The small brunette paused for a long moment, just staring down at Sanzo.  The world seemed hushed, everything hanging upon this single moment.  Then the wind suddenly picked up, sighing quietly… and a single petal from a cherry blossom drifted down to land upon Sanzo's cheek.

And Goku smiled.

"You know, you aren't as tough as you look, Genjo Sanzo," the smaller man began, settling himself next to the blonde monk.  "Everyone has a breaking point, even you.  It's okay to feel exhausted and tired.  We've been traveling nonstop and none of us have had much rest.  Hakkai and Gojyo are both tired, so it's _okay_ for you to feel tired, too."

The monk remained silent, sleeping—oblivious to all of the world.

"Sanzo, you aren't a superhuman.  Yeah, you're strong and can kick serious ass, but… there's only so much a person can accomplish before they begin to feel the strain of keeping up with the pace they had given themselves.  I know that you're tired, even though you've been trying to hide it from the rest of us. Being tired… it's not a weakness, Sanzo.  Being exhausted—and admitting it—_doesn't_ make you weak."

Goku chuckled to himself and reached down, brushing the cherry blossom petal from his friend and master's cheek.  

"I've always wondered why you were so desperate to become stronger.  I know that you have your secrets, Sanzo, and I have mine.  I don't really remember much from that one time, a long time ago… but I remember one particular thing. It's strange how I remember this and nothing else—_nothing_.   I remember the feeling of being encased in light.  It was warm and welcoming and accepting."  Goku smiled softly and ran a hand through his short brown hair.  "It felt so wonderful being in that light.  I knew that I was cared for and wanted when I was in that light."

He stretched, quickly touching his toes, then leaned his back down to the covered ground, laying in the velvet-plush grass next to Sanzo.  The dirt felt cool against his torso, the chill of the ground seeping through his clothes, settling deep within him.  Goku shivered and curled up against Sanzo's side, resting his head comfortably on the monk's shoulder.

"Did you know that the more I think about that time and that feeling, the more I'm beginning to remember?  It's only in some instances, and only at some times.  But... I remember more now.  Besides the light and the feeling, I remember someone yelling at me.  That person screamed at me, and called me an idiot.  Then they hit me with something soft—like a paper fan.  I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it.  Do you know what I finally came to realize?"

There was no reply to Goku's question.  He looked up in expectation, but Sanzo still did not respond.  The brunette rolled his eyes, then grinned as a monarch butterfly floated down and landed on the monk's nose.  It fanned its wings for a moment or two, kissed the blonde man gently on the tip of his nose, then flew away to find a more accommodating perch.

"No matter how many times you'll get reborn, you'll always be my light.  You were the first person who cared for me; you rescued me from my dark prison.  No matter what, no matter how long it takes before you're reborn again, you'll _always_ be my light."

Finally growing tired of 'I'm-asleep-so-go-away-and-LET-me-sleep' routine, Sanzo opened a violet eye and glared down at Goku.  "You seriously creep me out, you know that?  If you came here to sleep, then sleep.  But stop babbling romantic nonsense at me or I'll kick your ass.  Got it?"

Goku grinned and burrowed his face against Sanzo's monk outfit, scrunching his nose in derision at the grumpy blonde.  "Got it, Sanzo."

"Good.  Now shut the hell up and go to sleep, you stupid monkey."

_I guess_, Goku began to think to himself, stifling a yawn while curling closer to Sanzo's body, _no matter how many times you become reincarnated, some people will always stay the same.  It's nice knowing that Sanzo will always be Sanzo.  And **that's** a comforting thought._

"Pleasant dreams, Sanzo…."

~   ~   ~

And did you know that, if given enough time, all masks eventually come undone, unravel until there's nothing left, and then fall away forever?  The important thing is to know _how_ to take off another person's mask to see beneath the facade.  But, in the end, it's always worth it, seeing the true person hidden deep within.  Always.

I know that, too.

~Owari~

::End::

A/N: Sappy, fluffy, and just a little bit sarcastic.  Why does all of my fluff end up being that way? x_x;;  Anyway, I hoped you liked the one-shot, especially since I've never written for Saiyuki before.  ^^;;  I like this fandom, though, so you'll be seeing me around more often.  D  Ja, until next time~~


End file.
